I Am Learning About My Own Limitations

There are times when I feel as though I can do any- and everything. I take on more and more until my plate is overflowing and is extremely heavy.

Sometimes I do it because of the challenge of doing something new, or trying something that I have thought about doing, but haven't gotten around to it yet. My Moon in the 5th house, which means that I love to have fun. That's where my emotional needs are met, by having fun, expressing myself creatively, and being the center of attention.

Sometimes, I take on the challenge because I have the presumption that no one else can do it, or at least can do it as well as I can or as quickly as I can. I am a Double Gemini, which means that both my Sun and my Moon are in Gemini (although it is Balsamic and not a New Moon). I am quick to get it done. Plus, my 6th House Sun (I identify with my work and achievements, or my work is how and where I express myself) is in a wide square with Pluto in Virgo, which is conjunct my 9th House (expanding my horizons by learning and doing until I get it just right). So, I take great pride in my achievements, but I am embarrassed when I get recognized for my work, yet secretly I don't understand why I don't get more recognition for all the things I do for everyone. I get frustrated when someone who did a half-assed job of it gets paid more than I do.

Sometimes, I take on the challenge because I am afraid and panicking that I will lose money or won't make enough money unless I tell my boss "yes." I have a Capricorn rising or Ascendent and so money, security, authority, playing by the rules, structure, and a very strong foundation for life and for living are extremely important to me and to how I intend to live my life. Actually, I am fortunate that I have a Capricorn rising because it tempers that double Gemini that might otherwise be flitting here and there and flying around constantly with no grounding whatsoever. Ok, except for the Pluto and Uranus conjunct in Virgo arguing with my Gemini Sun every now and then (since they are wide squares, they don't spend too much time together).

This Capricorn rising is not well supported by Saturn (Capricorn's ruling planet). I was born in the 1960's when Saturn was in Aries. So, the Aries part of me wants to go, try, be, do NOW and the Saturn is constantly pulling back on those reins. It reminds me of the Chariot card in Tarot: having self-control when so many really interesting ideas are making themselves known to me. My Saturn is part of a wide Cardinal T-Square that involves Mercury in Cancer in the 7th House of "The Other," and Mars in Libra in the 9th House of "Expanding My Horizons." So, I always have the drive and desire (Mars) to come up with new ideas, talk, and experiment (Mercury), but those ideas will be tested in time (Saturn). And not in a fun, easy, gentle manner for the most part, so I get cranky and the critical, sarcastic, bitchy part of Gemini is brought out. Since my Sun is in a supportive and harmonious relationship with my Mars and my Saturn, it demands action and judgment in my favor.

Last year and for most of this year, my T-Square has been activated by the transiting Cardinal T-Square of Uranus (the Great Shocker/Awakener) in Aries, Pluto (the Dark and Dangerous Digger-up of things I wish would be left alone) in Capricorn, and Jupiter (Protector and Is this all that there is?) in Cancer with Venus (love, money, values) and Mars (lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way) thrown in at various times of the transit. Uranus is conjuncting that Saturn of mine and causing havoc with my 3rd house, arguing with my Mercury at the same time, and in a little while opposing/challenging my Mars for part of the transiting T-Square, so I get to do some big time redefining and polishing of myself.


What this all comes down to, is this: I am learning about my limitations (Saturn/Capricorn) and just how far I can really push myself (transiting Pluto in the 1st House) and others (natal Mercury in the 7th House). I have taken on three completely different classes to teach this semester and my schedule is tight. I have to let go of those activities, people, and things that do not fit, work, serve, or help me (transiting Pluto in the 1st House). I have to redefine what is truly important to me and who I am AND find a better way (Capricorn) of either getting those things or maintaining them. I took on too much this semester because I was afraid that I may not get the teaching assignments, so I took whatever I could. I wanted to be assured that I would have an income. And I pushed myself to make sure that I had it. The lesson is: I should not have taken on such a tight schedule and so many different classes. I have only taught one of these classes before and so I have had to re-learn two of them (transiting and natal Mars in the 9th House) . One of them is going great and I really enjoy it. The other one is taking its time getting infused with excitement because I am unsure of myself.

Besides all of the above cosmic fun, transiting Saturn is conjuncting my natal Neptune in the 11th House of my long-term plans, friends, and of the Collective/Group. Saturn  and Neptune are discussing those dreams I used to have of teaching at a college and testing them. Am I truly good enough to teach these classes? Do I want to be stuck teaching these classes for the rest of my career? Is this dream job good enough? So far, the answer to all of these questions is a huge YES! 

Of course, after all is said and done, I will have grown in experience and skills and all this will have been for my benefit. I just have to remind myself that I am doing the best that I can even though sometimes, I feel as though I am falling short. This too shall pass, but only if I learn the lesson now. Otherwise, it will rear its ugly, but smiling head, allowing me to try the lesson again.

Jeanette